Lesson 9: The Emotional State

The right conversation in the wrong mood is the wrong conversation.

Our overall emotional state greatly impacts our ability to speak with clarity, confidence and conviction.

 Imagine this. You join a meeting feeling really anxious about something. It may or may not have anything to do with the actual meeting, but you’re feeling it. Anxiety is chipping away at you and as a result there are numerous internal conversations happening inside your head. This will impact your ability to listen, which will then impact your ability to speak. And although we’re often not aware, anxiety will show up in your body and reduce your ability to look confident. 

On the reverse – you join a meeting feeling confident and relaxed. Again it may or may not have anything to do with that particular meeting, but the general feeling is there for you. Think about how that is going to impact your ability to speak with clarity, confidence and conviction.

You can do all the preparation you want for a conversation, or presentation, but if you are not in a resourceful emotional state you will not speak with clarity, confidence or conviction.

Resourceful and unresourceful moods

I like to think about being in either a ‘resourceful’ emotional state or an ‘unresourceful’ emotional state. For example, anxiety, anger, resentment are not necessarily ‘bad’ as they serve a purpose and sometimes we need to experience them. But they won’t generally help you be resourceful. They are more likely to shut down your thinking and your ability to speak with clarity, confidence and conviction .

Unfortunately we don’t always have the option of not joining a meeting at work, you can’t say to your boss: “Sorry I didn’t join the meeting, I wasn’t in the right mood”.

But, you can try to shift your emotional state.  

So, if you notice yourself in an unresourceful state, trying shifting to the most resourceful state you can be in the moment.

This means that you may not go from anxious to completely happy and relaxed, but you may be able to get yourself into a state to be able to have a more effective conversation.

Note: there are times when we are able to make a simple shift in emotional state and get ourselves to a more resourceful place. However, there are also times when people experience strong, debilitating emotions and shifting is not possible. These tips are not intended to be therapy, nor am I qualified to provide psychological support. If you are experiencing strong debilitating emotions you should find other professional support.